Moving

I started writing this entry a long time ago and I'm glad that I left it because it has somewhat of an ending now.

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I'm feeling it.
I'm feeling the effects of not being grounded, of not having a place to call my own. It has been physically and emotionally demanding on me but it has not been all negative, I've come away with a different perspective on life.

I changed the title of my blog when I came back from Sri Lanka and found myself struggling with readjusting to the North American culture. At that time I was finding my way back into my "home" as a country and culture and as that began to happen I realized that I needed a place to live that I felt was my home, somewhere I could be grounded for a while.

I lived with my parents when I returned from Sri Lanka and needed a break. They graciously allowed me to "come home" for a semester so that I could regain my strength and take a much needed rest. I "came home" again after graduating from college in April and my time here was much different because I am working and not here as much but it's still not home. I mean it's my parents house it should feel like home but it doesn't. It's not that I feel uncomfortable but when you've lived on your own for 11 years and then return home you can't just walk right back into the feeling that you're home, the dynamics have changed, I've changed so much and so have they. I just want a place to call my own.

The positive aspect to all of this is that it has made me realize a great many things ranging from survival to spiritual. Everyone needs a place where they feel safe and secure both physically and emotionally. Yes being here and there I felt physically secure but never really mentally or emotionally able to relax completely. Your home/room should be your sanctuary, a place to get away from it all, a place to be alone. This is something very important to me, always has been but I think it went up several notches on the Important Things In My Life list.

Our home here on earth is temporary, we all know that but I have realized that no matter what upheaval life sends me or I put myself into there is always one constant that never changes, goes everywhere with me, fits into my life if I unpack it and that is God and my relationship with Him. I know that sounds so "Bible College" of me to say but it has really sunk into my heart and soul this last 20 months. I can't say that I've been reading the word and praying everyday, I can't say that I've been a model Christian but I can say that God has stripped away a lot of spiritual junk that I've been packing around for a long time. I'm always amazed when I look back at things that have happened in the past and see a pattern that I had never seen before.

Isaiah 51:6-8
Lift up your eyes to the heavens, look at the earth beneath; the heavens will vanish like smoke, the earth will wear out like a garment and its inhabitants die like flies. But my salvation will last forever, my righteousness will never fail. "Hear me, you who know what is right, you people who have my law in your hearts: Do not fear the reproach of men or be terrified by their insults. For the moth will eat them up like a garment; the worm will devour them like wool. But my righteousness will last forever, my salvation through all generations."

So Winnipeg is starting to feel like home. I've slowly been unpacking my belongings...sorting through. Throwing or giving away the things I don't need anymore...slowly coming to the realization that I'm here for a while...I'm home...for now.