the Doors in my Mind

Have you ever felt really off but not known why? I realized tonight that I have a lot going on inside my head, some of my doors are open and I didn't even know it.

To explain, that means when I visualize inside of my mind I see a round room. There are doors all around the room and I'm in the middle. There are also many floors or storey's of this crazy round room with all the doors. Behind each door is a memory. The doors are decorated so that I know what kind of memory is behind that door and whether or not I want it open. Some are pretty doors that have great happy memories behind them. Some are black. Some have chains, boards nailed in and beware signs on them.

Now that you have a visual of my head, these doors that are opening are not the pretty ones. I've taken down some of the chains, boards and signs in the past by dealing with the bad stuff behind them but there is always the residue that gets stuck on the door from years of the sweat and the tears trying to keep those doors closed. I don't mind when those doors open and I have some way of dealing with it but right now I have no one to talk to. I need to talk these things out loud or they don't make any sense to me.

So I had a bubble bath tonight and started crying after I got out because I realized that I am really sad. I'm sad about a lot of things. I'm also lonely. Weird to be staying at my parents house, even my youngest brother is here and I'm lonely. I'm also angry. Some of these doors have to do with family memories and I'm not sure what to do with it. I'm not good with anger. Heck let's be honest I'm not good with most emotion.

Well I dont really want to say anymore on account of this being a public record so thanks to those who have listened.